Green means Go

I just got back from riding my Vespa. I have started riding on the roads now, because figure eights in a car park is no fun. Still not very confident, I'm just riding around the neighborhood... we live in a nice young family type of area, drivers in their fancy cars and baby seats are generally polite, so I feel relatively safe.

Today, I decide to expand my territory - it's only the third time I've taken the Vespa out on my own. I haven't really crossed any main roads yet, and today I was feeling adventurous. I mapped out my route so I don't have to be indecisive or get lost. I was feeling good.

I was at a set of traffic lights, waiting to cross Eglington, one of the major roads in the area. I was a little worried about the lights not changing. Yesterday, I was sitting at a set of lights and I missed three changes because my Vespa and I aren't heavy enough to trigger the sensors. I didn't want to have to park my Vespa, run to the pedestrian crossing to manually trigger it, so I was very pleased that an Audi TT approached the lights on the other side of Eglington. It was going to turn left onto Eglington. I had right of way.

The lights changed green, I notice the TT was indeed respecting my street presence. A young mother and her nanny started gathering their pram and bags to cross Eglington. I throttled, and started crossing the intersection. The first little mental obstacle on my carefully planned route. Tick.

It was not until I was in the middle of the intersection, did the pat-on-the-back get thrust away by a heavy lurch in the stomach. Words can't describe the feeling when you are on a scooter, fully exposed, and a mother of a SUV is speeding through a red light, right at you.

The few times I have been close to a major collision I have felt a wave of calm pass over me. Not sure if it is just the mind being numb, the body expecting the worse, or a sense of resignation. In that split second, somehow, instinct gripped the throttle, thank god, thank god I did not slam on the brakes.. because I kept crossing, and the SUV kept sliding, missing the back of my scooter about a metre or so. I'm not sure, and I wasn't about to stop and check. I was in such shock I had to drive a few hundred meters away before I was willing to stop the Vespa and take a deep breath. I have never, never felt so lucky in my life. That dick of a SUV driver has never been so lucky in his/her life. I would have been toast for sure if they had hit me. The young mother, her nanny and young child would have been toast if they didn't paused a few seconds to gather their stuff before crossing the road. At least four lives would have bee wasted because of some reckless driver.

I continued riding, coz I was determined not to let a freak near-accident waiver my confidence and deter me from riding. But in the end I cut it short. Petrol was running low and I didn't have the stomach to venture onto more main roads to fill the tank.

It was only until I got home, parked the scooter, then it hit me hard. The thought of what would have happened if I had slammed on the brakes. The thought that I had so much ahead of me, and how close I was to losing it.

I called a friend coz G doesn't answer his phone when he's working. She calmed me down, but even as a write this I'm still crying. I don't know, I guess it's incidents like this that makes me want my family and close friends. What if? Would they have flown over? Would they even know? Does life go on? I am sure it does. But what if?

Anyways, I feel a bit better now, getting it all out. I wish I had a shoulder to cry on though, coz my t-shirt is taking a soaking.

And I'm going be pissed if I can't put my new leather riding jacket to good use. My low scooter confidence has taken a beating, but I'm hoping tomorrow is another day. I'm not ready to tap out, yet.